


The Road Back

by KandiSheek



Series: Kinktober 2019 [21]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Dialogue Heavy, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Nebula & Tony Stark Friendship, Omega Tony Stark, it's the beginning of Endgame and everything is shitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 05:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21221336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KandiSheek/pseuds/KandiSheek
Summary: When Tony got back to earth he was still bleeding from the wound Peter's loss had dealt his heart. He didn't think anything could hurt more than letting down the closest thing he had to a son.Tony was wrong.





	The Road Back

**Author's Note:**

> So here it finally is, the third part of this series. Thank you all for waiting so patiently. I kind of cheated regarding the prompt because this is the first A/B/O fic I've written that actually has no porn in it at all, and you have to know the previous stories to even know it's A/B/O but oh well. It's my prompt and I'll write what I want to.
> 
> Also I'm actually going to write a fourth part after this because I can't seem to stop torturing these guys. So, yeah, we'll see how that goes. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy the angst-fest!
> 
> Kinktober Prompt 21: A/B/O

Oxygen was low, had been for days now. It explained the throbbing in his head but definitely not the strange sight in front of him.

“Hang in there, Stark. We've almost reached the atmosphere.”

Tony hummed, still not convinced that all of this wasn't just an elaborate hallucination. He felt weirdly detached from reality as he watched the blonde woman drag their ship – _one_ woman! Dragging their _ship!_ – without a space suit in the middle of fucking space. But he was hoping,_ god, was he hoping,_ that they would reach land soon, somewhere with air that they wouldn't need to filter, maybe even some water –

When the compound came into view Tony actually started crying.

“This is Earth?” Nebula asked, utterly unimpressed, but Tony didn't care, already struggling to his feet.

“He– Help me up, Nebula, please –“

“Slow down, Stark,” Nebula scolded him and Tony had to admit she had a point when his vision started swimming as soon as he straightened up. “You will collapse if you –“

The ship rocked suddenly, nearly knocking them both off their feet, but Nebula held him up with a tight grip on his arm. They must've landed.

“I need –“ Tony gasped and she seemed to understand, half-dragging, half-carrying him over to the ramp where she immediately punched the button to open the hatch.

The air had gotten so thin inside the ship that when Tony took his first breath of sweet, sweet oxygen the following head rush only made him even more dizzy. Nebula quickly reached out to steady him and Tony patted her arm.

“I'm fine,” he gasped and she looked unconvinced but didn't protest as he started moving down the stairs.

He was so focused on putting one foot in front of the other that he didn't notice the others approaching until a familiar scent assaulted his nostrils and a strong hand gripped his arm. He couldn't help but lean into the touch, his eyes closing as he huffed in a breath because despite everything that scent was like a balm for his frayed nerves.

Tony glanced up and there he was. Steve fucking Rogers, the mate that got away, and goddamn it he was the most beautiful thing Tony had ever seen.

“I couldn't stop him,” Tony blurted out because somehow that was still the most important thing right now.

“Neither could I,” Steve said and his voice was like a shock to Tony's system, lighting him up from the inside and god, Tony hated him so much but it still felt like coming home.

When they reached ground – grass, fucking hell, Tony never thought he'd touch earth again – Tony turned to face him and – fuck, he'd thought he'd been prepared for this, for the moment he had to look Steve in the eye again, but this was like nothing he'd imagined. He looked at Steve and all he saw was – was –

“I lost the kid,” he said, feeling flayed open under Steve's gaze, like every single one of his failures was written on his skin. He could see his own pain reflected in Steve's eyes, a magnitude of loss that made his chest ache all over again. Steve took a shaky breath.

“Tony, we lost...”

He couldn't seem to go on and Tony faltered, his face crumbling as he realized that this meant –

_Here, too?_

“Is, um –“ He tried to ask but before he could Pepper was already there and the weight in his chest wasn't exactly lifted but he could feel tears of relief well up in his eyes as he looked at her.

“Oh my god,” she whimpered and then he was in her arms and just for a second he allowed himself the comfort it brought, the knowledge that at least he hadn't failed _one_ of the people under his protection.

She pulled back way too soon, hooking an arm around his shoulders as she helped Steve support him on his way into the compound. Tony's head was reeling even though he felt weirdly disconnected, the world only really coming back into focus when Rhodey reached him next, taking Steve's place at his side, and when Steve pulled away it felt like loss, oh god, not again, he couldn't –

“Tony?” Rhodey asked in concern when Tony involuntarily let out a whine. Tony met Steve's eyes and he immediately seemed to understand the problem because Steve moved forward with a hand outstretched towards Tony –

And Tony slapped it away, taking a stumbling step back.

“Don't touch me!” he blurted, his blood pounding in his ears suddenly. For a second Steve looked like Tony had just punched him in the face before it went carefully blank and he nodded, walking ahead as Rhodey and Pepper led Tony after him. It felt wrong on such a primal level that Tony's stomach twisted itself into knots, but he rode it out, feeling a tiny curl of satisfaction in his stomach at putting Steve in his place.

“Hey, Tony,” someone said quietly and Tony looked over to see Bruce, his face contorted in a mix of relief and concern.

“Bruce,” Tony breathed, relieved beyond all measure that Thanos hadn't killed him, too. He reached out a hand and Bruce grabbed it without question. “You're here.”

“I want you in medical right away,” Bruce said, his eyes tracing over Tony's gaunt form worriedly. “You look like –“

“The ghost of Christmas past?” Tony quipped and Pepper sobbed out a laugh, her hand tightening on Tony's waist.

“This isn't the time, Tony, oh my god.”

A quiet noise to his left made Tony look over to see Rhodey, his lips pressed into a thin line and his eyes shining wetly. Tony felt his stomach drop.

“Hey, sourpatch –“

“I told you, didn't I?” Rhodey gritted out, resolutely not looking at Tony. “Next time you ride with me. And what do you do? Find yourself another Fun-Vee.”

“Couldn't help myself,” Tony said weakly, his head suddenly spinning. “You know I can't –“

Tony stumbled.

“Tony!” He could feel everyone's eyes on him and it made him prickly, batting away Pepper's hands.

“I'm fine!” he said through the galaxies spinning behind his eyes, the void of space threatening to swallow him whole –

And then a familiar grip on his shoulders made him look up, right into Nebula's black eyes. She didn't say anything but she didn't have to, her presence oddly soothing after they'd spent the last few weeks cooped up together. Seeing her standing there, the compound looming behind her –

Shit, this was real, wasn't it?

“Medical, now,” Bruce gritted out and Tony could see a bit of green in his eyes as he hauled Tony up and towards the compound. There were too many hands on Tony, supporting and dragging and carrying and it was too much, all the care and the worry and –

“Who else made it?” Tony blurted out and he could practically feel the temperature around him drop to ice, the way they all suddenly avoided his gaze.

“You're looking at them,” Rhodey said and Tony could always count on him to say it like it is –

And then the implications hit him and suddenly Tony couldn't look up, couldn't face forward where the rest of them were walking ahead.

He didn't want to know.

“That's –“ he started to say but couldn't find the words.

“Yeah,” Rhodey sighed. There really wasn't anything to say.

Bruce led them into the medical wing where they deposited Tony on a hospital bed. It took less than a minute of examination for Bruce to start cursing and pulling out medical equipment.

“You're malnourished,” he said with a severe frown. “Dehydrated, too. And your blood sugar is atrocious.”

“I could have told you that,” Tony mumbled, grimacing a little as Bruce fitted him with an IV.

“You need a proper meal and sleep. Pepper, could you get –“

“Oh no,” Tony protested, pushing himself up off the bed only for Rhodey to push him back down. Tony frowned at him. “I just got back, I'm not gonna lie down and –“

“You're not going anywhere,” Rhodey snapped, his grip on Tony's shoulders painfully tight. “You need to fucking rest, Tony, or I swear to god I'm gonna –“

“Tony?”

They all looked over to find Natasha standing in the doorway, her arms crossed and a carefully neutral expression on her face. Tony didn't know how to feel about that. Seeing her stand there after everything that happened was painful, yes, but all of that was overshadowed by how glad he was to see that she was alive.

“Natasha,” he said and for a second he could see the relief in her eyes, a tiny smile on her face that vanished just as quickly as it came.

“We're going to have a meeting about Thanos. You should be there.”

“He needs to _rest_,” Rhodey protested but Tony pushed him away. His skin might be crawling just at the thought of talking about what happened but Tony would do anything to get out of this room right now. He'd spent weeks in a tiny aircraft with only a homicidal cyborg for company, he was done feeling trapped.

Bruce seemed to know it too because he sighed heavily, grabbing Tony's IV-bag to take it off the bed's hinges. “You're taking a wheelchair and that's final.”

Rhodey heaved a defeated sigh but Natasha nodded, turning to leave and pausing in the door.

“I'm glad you're okay, Tony,” she said quietly before slipping out and walking down the hallway. Tony wished he'd had the time to say “Me, too.”

“Come on,” Rhodey sighed, hoisting Tony into the chair. “Let's get this over with.”

In the end they didn't even last two minutes before derailing their discussion into a fight. When Tony finally passed out it felt less like pain and more like mercy.

Tony woke up feeling marginally better, his headache gone and his nerves not quite as spread thin. His throat was parched though and he coughed, grateful when someone held up a glass of water to his lips. He drank all of it before clearing his throat, eyes still closed against the light.

“How long was I out?”

“Twelve and a half hours,” a very familiar voice said and Tony's eyes snapped open to see Steve sitting there with worried eyes. His blood immediately ran cold even as his heart sang at his presence.

“What are you doing here?” Tony asked icily and Steve shifted in his seat.

“I wanted to be here when you woke up. Bruce gave you a sedative,” Steve said quietly and Tony scoffed, averting his eyes.

“I don't need a fucking babysitter. Where's Pepper?”

“She left a minute ago.” Steve sighed. “We were all really worried, Tony. You –“

“I thought I told you that I got nothing for you,” Tony said coldly. “So whatever you're looking for here, redemption, absolution, you won't get it.”

Steve took an unsteady breath and Tony noticed with a start that his hands were shaking.

“Tony, I...”

“What?” Tony snapped, feeling unbalanced as Steve slowly lost his composure in front of him. This wasn't supposed to happen. Steve was supposed to be the strong one. “You made a choice. You can damn well live with the consequences.”

“I never wanted –“ Steve's voice caught in his throat and his eyes closed in what looked like pain. “Tony, I thought – For the last few weeks I thought you were dead.”

“Well, I'm not,” Tony said without any sympathy and Steve winced, his voice taking on a desperate edge.

“You were supposed to call!”

“Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was if I _needed you,_” Tony snapped. “Or did I misunderstand your letter? Thanks for that by the way, I really enjoyed the part where you said the Avengers were my family.” He scoffed sardonically. “Which is fair. I've always hated family reunions.”

“I know you're angry –”

“No shit I'm angry!” Tony shouted. “You can't just waltz in here and expect me to have all the fucking answers. I'm done! It's over! We failed, Rogers, can you get that through your thick fucking skull?”

Steve just stared at him silently for long enough that Tony started to fidget uncomfortably.

“What?” Tony finally asked angrily. “Don't you have somewhere to be? I'm sure Barnes would love some company in whatever cell you're holding him in.”

Steve's breath caught in his throat.

“Bucky is, um...” He trailed off, his face twisting in pain, and Tony felt a gaping hole open up in his chest when he realized what Steve was implying –

“He's what?” Tony asked, disbelief warring with the sinking feeling in his gut. “He's _what,_ Steve?”

“He...” Steve seemed to choke on the words. “He was – at the end of the war, down here, he was fighting along with all of us and – and he –“ Tony felt his stomach drop at the look on Steve's face. “He didn't make it.”

“No,” Tony breathed without meaning to as his vision went blurry and – oh god, oh fuck, he couldn't breathe –

He could feel it now, the void in his chest where there had once been the faint thrum of a bond, strained and torn but _there_ even when Tony had tried so hard to rip it apart. And now it was – it wasn't –

He hadn't even realized it was gone.

A wounded noise tore from Tony's throat and Steve grabbed his hand as tightly as he could. Tony clung to it like a lifeline because his heart hurt so much, he didn't know his body was capable of pain like this –

“Tony,” Steve said and then his other hand was brushing Tony's cheeks and Tony realized that he was crying, actual tears streaming down his face, and Tony couldn't even _remember_ the last time he'd cried like this.

“Fuck,” Tony gasped, blindly reaching for Steve, grabbing on and pulling. “Fuck, I – _Steve_ –“

And Steve leaned closer, taking Tony into his arms so Tony could bury his face against Steve's neck, the way he had before everything, before Thanos, before the goddamn Civil War, just – shit, but Tony had missed him like a fucking limb, every day even when he'd hated him from the bottom of his heart. Most of it had to be the hormones but right this moment Tony didn't care because Steve's arms made him feel safe in a way he hadn't in years.

He cried himself out against Steve's chest until he felt utterly numb, somehow finding the strength to pull away because he was still mad at Steve and this felt too much like forgiveness, roiling like acid in his stomach.

“So,” he croaked, clearing his throat. “What are you going to do?”

Steve took a shaky breath, wiping his eyes, and Tony suddenly realized that this must've been so much harder for Steve, losing his best friend, his mate, all over again after just getting him back – “I don't know, I –“

“Did you see it?” Tony blurted out, suddenly needing to know. “Did you watch it happen?”

Steve looked up at him and the utter despair in his eyes told Tony the answer even before he choked out a brittle “Yes.”

God, Tony couldn't even imagine.

“I'm sorry,” Tony choked out, hiding his eyes behind a trembling hand. “Fuck.”

They sat in silence for a while, neither of them really knowing what to say. The tension between them racketed up with every second until Steve finally leaned forward to catch Tony's eye.

“I know you don't want anything to do with this,” he said imploringly. “But we need you, Tony. This is bigger than all of us. We need to make this right.”

Tony's already frayed nerves felt close to snapping. This was all too much at once. For fuck's sake, he'd just come back from _space_ and already he was back to dealing with everyone else's bullshit –

_Your fault,_ some far corner of his brain whispered. _You weren't there. You didn't save them._

_But_ they _weren't there either,_ a much more indignant part of him said. _I needed them and Steve said he'd be there and in the end I had to do it alone. Again._

_I'm always alone._

“Tony,” Steve said and all at once Tony had had it.

“Look, Steve,” he gritted out. “I'm not saying you're wrong, okay? You want to find Thanos, fine. You go out there, you do whatever you have to do to. But I'm not gonna do this again. I can't.”

“Tony –“

“I _can't,_” Tony stressed. “And I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm _not,_ you know why? Because I already gave this my best shot and it wasn't enough so –“

“This isn't about Thanos, Tony,” Steve said, his eyes sharp. “This is about you and me.”

Tony bristled. “There is no you and me!”

“I think there is,” Steve insisted and Tony chuckled.

“Why?” he asked tiredly. “You lost your favorite mate so the other one is suddenly good enough again?”

“You know that's not what I think!” Steve protested desperately and Tony scoffed.

“You lied to me for years, Steve, I don't know what to think anymore.” He sighed heavily. “Just tell me one thing. Did you ever really love me? Or was that all lies, too?”

Steve sucked in a breath and time seemed to stop for a second before he _crumbled,_ his facade falling like a house of cards as his face twisted in agony and his shoulders hitched. Tony could only watch as Steve fell apart right in front of him, curling in on himself like a wilting flower.

“Steve,” Tony said quietly and Steve's shoulder spasmed with a sob, made worse by the fact that Tony could tell he was trying desperately to rein it in, to not let Tony see him like this.

And fuck, a part of Tony died in that moment, watching Steve – one of the strongest men he knew – break down like this, because Jesus Christ, they had been so happy once, before all of this shit went down. What was the point in the universe bringing them together when all they seemed to be capable of was hurting each other in the worst ways possible?

“God, I love you so much, Tony,” Steve sobbed and Tony stiffened. Steve didn't seem to notice. “You're my mate and I miss you and I hate that you – that I made you hate me, Tony, but I never stopped loving you. Please don't think that, please, _please_.”

Tony was biting his lip so hard that he tasted blood as he looked at Steve, watching as he slowly but surely calmed himself down, hiding his face in his hands as he did so. Tony wanted to look away, allow Steve the space to compose himself, but a spiteful part of him wanted to see every moment of this, the evidence that it wasn't only Tony who had been hurt by Steve's actions.

He hated himself more than a little bit for it.

“Sorry,” Steve croaked eventually, wiping his face with his sleeves and not looking up at Tony. It was pathetic and Tony wanted to feel vindicated but mostly he just felt sad.

“Okay,” Tony said, his voice rough. “I... Look, Steve, I don't want –“

“It's okay,” Steve said even though he sounded like nothing was okay. “I'm sorry. You don't have to say anything.”

“I... I believe you, okay?” Tony said even though it pained him. “When you say – that you loved me. I believe you.”

There was a moment where Steve didn't seem to be breathing, still as a statue at Tony's bedside.

“I still love you,” Steve said quietly and Tony closed his eyes and took a steadying breath before he looked back at his mate.

“I'm sorry, Steve. I really am. But I can't.”

Steve nodded jerkily. “I understand,” he rasped, hiding his eyes behind his hand as he pulled away and stood up. “I'm – I'll send someone else in.”

He left the room hastily and every bone in Tony's body screamed at him to call him back. To say fuck distance and fuck mistrust and just be with his mate. But Tony wouldn't. He _couldn't_.

He'd trusted Steve's love for him once. He couldn't do it again.

So Tony had figured out time travel. No big deal.

Actually he'd never felt more awesome than he did now and he'd invented a flying suit of armor, so. That was pretty fucking cool.

Giving Steve his shield back had been... well. It had mostly felt cathartic. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders now that he didn't have to carry it alone anymore. Five years was a long time to think about things and Tony was just about fucking done with resentment.

It didn't fix the hole in his core, the part of him that was missing his other mate, but it was enough for now.

“Love what you've done with the place,” Tony said as he strode into the compound behind Steve, his hands in his pockets. “Could have done with a little less silver but I guess if you like the aesthetic –“

“Tony,” Steve said and Tony fell silent at the look in his eyes. “Can we talk?”

Tony swallowed heavily, words suddenly eluding him as he nodded jerkily, following Steve into an empty conference room. Steve set down the shield with such gentleness that Tony's heart did a little flip in his chest. Fucking traitor.

“I'm really happy to see you,” Steve said softly, looking up at Tony with a wistful smile. “How's Pepper?”

“Oh, you know,” Tony said, trying to sound nonchalant. “Enjoying her time with Morgan. She turned three last week, can you believe that? Happy's so proud.”

Steve paused. “Happy?”

“Yeah?” Tony raised an eyebrow at him. “My ex-bodyguard, Happy? Don't tell me you don't remember him, he'd actually cry if he knew that.”

“No, I mean –“ Steve cut himself off, forcing a smile back onto his face even though it looked somewhat more brittle than before. “You're... happy there, right? With Pepper?”

“Yes?” Tony asked more than he answered, brow furrowing in bewilderment. “I mean, she lets me leech onto her life so that's cool.”

Now Steve just looked confused and Tony sighed, holding up his hands.

“Look, is there a point to all this? Or are you just going to keep asking about my family?”

Steve's face twisted and for a second Tony thought he saw a flash of hurt in his eyes but it was quickly covered up with another smile. “No, sorry, I just – I'm glad you're happy, that's all.”

“Right,” Tony said dubiously and startled when Steve clapped him on the shoulder.

“I'm happy for you,” Steve said and it sounded almost genuine but there was just something about Steve's expression –

Tony batted Steve's hand away, eyeing him suspiciously. “Are you trying to start shit? Because if you fuck with my family I swear to god I am going to end you, Rogers.”

Steve looked like he'd just bitten into a sour apple. “No! Tony, what – Why would you think that?”

“Oh, I don't know,” Tony snapped. “Maybe because you're asking about Pepper and her husband and being cryptic as hell –“

“Husband?” Steve asked, perplexed. “Her – _Happy?”_

“Yes, Happy,” Tony said impatiently. “Am I talking to a wall here?”

“I thought you –“ Steve bit his lip and Tony threw his arms up in exasperation.

“You thought I what? Geez, this is like pulling teeth. Just spit it out, Rogers!”

“I thought you were with Pepper,” Steve blurted out and immediately looked like he wanted to stuff the words back where they came from.

Tony blinked. Twice. Then he scoffed. “Are you fucking high?”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “Tony –“

“No! What the fuck, Steve? You think I –“ Tony cut himself off, shaking his head incredulously. “You are unbelievable, did you know that? After everything we've been through you think I would make Pepper deal with my mess? Are you fucking joking?”

“I'm sorry!” Steve shouted in frustration. “Last time I saw you you had a little girl on your hip and she said –“ He abruptly trailed off, averting his eyes.

“She said what?” Tony asked icily.

“Oh, um...” Steve mumbled awkwardly, his face suddenly flushing. “It's possible that I might have... misunderstood.”

“Uh-huh.”

“She said that... her mommy sent her so I just assumed...” Steve looked beyond uncomfortable, avoiding Tony's eyes. “Sorry.”

Tony stared at him for a long moment in utter disbelief. So Steve had thought that Tony had, what, just _moved on,_ after all of the bullshit he'd gone through? That was the most ridiculous, stupid, preposterous assumption anyone had ever –

“You just...” Steve sighed and his smile was sad when he looked up at Tony. “You looked so happy. And I wouldn't... I mean, I wouldn't have blamed you. After everything.”

Tony watched as Steve fidgeted under his scrutiny, clearly wishing to be somewhere else, and it was ridiculous but Tony could understand where he was coming from. Still, the thought of Steve just giving up on him like that... That didn't sit right with him either.

“Do you still love me?” Tony asked bluntly and Steve breathed in shakily before he answered, his voice steady and sure.

“I never stopped.”

Well.

Tony was still reveling in the cautious hope that these simple words brought him when Steve turned to face him, a serious look on his face. “No matter what happens, I promise you, Tony. I could never stop loving you. You're it for me.” His eyes turned wistful as he smiled sadly. “And you're it for Bucky, too. He loved you.”

Tony had to swallow around the lump in his throat. “He didn't even know me. We didn't –“ He couldn't finish the sentence but Steve seemed to understand because he grabbed Tony's hand in silent support.

“He loved you,” he repeated, as sure as the tides. “He was... He made T'Challa put him back in cryo for a long time. But the one time that I saw him before –“ Steve paused, swallowing heavily. “He asked about you. Where you were. I told him you were on your way to fight Thanos.” Steve chuckled humorlessly. “He almost ripped me a new one. Asked what the fuck I was doing down here then.”

Tony chuckled too although the memory still hurt. “Sounds like he's actually the reasonable one out of the three of us. Who would've thought.”

“To be fair he doesn't have much competition,” Steve said ruefully and this time the laugh came more easily. Tony was almost as surprised as Steve seemed at the sound and when their eyes met an understanding passed between them, a shared longing for something long gone. Bucky's absence was painfully obvious between them.

“We'll get him back,” Tony said with all the conviction he could muster and Steve nodded, his eyes a little misty as he looked away.

“I know,” he said quietly. “We have to.”

Tony cleared his throat. “Look, I know I – well, I've never been very open about these things but, for what it's worth, uh. Me too. I guess. Both of you.”

Steve looked up at Tony and in that moment he could feel it, the bond between them, wide open and so bright it almost blinded him. He could feel Steve's pain but underneath that was an ocean of hope, of desperate longing and hurt and denial –

And love.

Tony sucked in a breath, his chest swelling with warmth as he looked at his mate, the man that he – despite everything – still loved. The look in Steve's eyes told him that Steve could feel it, too, and for a second all Tony wanted was to fall into his arms and stay there, finally feel that connection again –

But it wouldn't be right.

“After we get him back,” Tony promised and Steve closed his eyes for a second, taking a shaky breath before he returned Tony's determined gaze.

“After we get _all of them_ back,” Steve said.

And for the first time since he'd watched Peter vanish on a planet far from earth Tony felt as if he could win this fight. That he could rectify all the mistakes that he made.

He was prepared to pay any price to make that happen.


End file.
